Thoughts on Contentment

August 5, 1998

Thou has made us for thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee. – St. Augustine, The Confessions

I have learned to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” – Apostle Paul, Letter to the Phillipians 4:11-13 (The Message).

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CONTENTMENT IN AMERICAN CULTURE

Estimate how many times in a typical day that you wish for better circumstances of one kind or another. Now estimate how many times in a typical day that you say to yourself, “My life is really pretty good—my life is fine just the way it is.” If you are like the vast majority of people, the amount of wishing for better circumstances greatly exceeds your level of contentment.

Why is it so unusual to find a contented person? Why is it so difficult to want what we have? Peacefulness and contentment are far from the American soul. We live in a media dominated culture that breeds discontent. The media (print, electronic, cyberspace) fuels our desire to buy more and have more. The goal of all media advertising is to create or foster a need/desire that leads to a purchasing decision. One could make the argument that much of American life is built upon the activities of shopping, buying, and consuming. Supporting evidence is at our fingertips (The Shopping Channel, mail order catalogs, junk mail, newspaper/magazine advertisements, and TV/radio advertisements). It seems that the character quality of contentment is nearly anti-American and clearly countercultural. We live in a consumer-based society that emphasizes opportunity, upward mobility, acquisition, and unbounded achievement.

Why is it so difficult to want what we have? It seems that the attitude and character quality of contentment is nearly anti-American.

All of us suffer, to a greater or lesser degree, from this disease of discontentment. As a temporary antidote, we engage with the world in transactions that are designed to bring us frequent, albeit superficial, surges of happiness. But these rushes of happiness are short-lived and are incapable of satisfying us in a deep way. We search for the elusive someone or something to enrich our lives. We chase the things we’re told will bring contentment—education, awards, career success, or the accumulation of possessions. But we slowly come to realize that these things do not bring lasting satisfaction.

As a psychologist I work with people who are experiencing problems concerning their emotions, relationships, and ways of thinking. Yet, for a large percentage of clients the most pressing problem is their tendency to be dissatisfied and chronically discontent. They are convinced that if the circumstances of their lives were different (different spouse, different child, different job, different parent) they would happy. Usually, this notion that “my life will be better once I am able to improve the circumstances around me” is untrue. Just as a mirage offers the illusion of water—so the attitude of discontentment leads us to falsely believe that we will be satisfied once our desires our met.

CONTENTMENT AND LIFE

Those who live in large homes are not happier than those who live in small homes. Those who shop at Neiman Marcus are not happier than those who shop at Mervyns. Those who drive Porsches are not happier than those who drive Fords. There is absolutely no causal link between affluence and contentment. Fine possessions and luxurious surroundings do not lead to satisfaction.

The circumstances in one’s life can be generally good—a solid job, a loving spouse, supportive friends, and physical health. But if one thing, just one thing, is not going quite right—the family car is a little too small, the kitchen doesn’t have enough storage space, your child’s teacher is not the best available—this often seems to negate the good in our lives and dominate our perspective.

For most of us, life is very good and our needs are clearly met. Yet, we persist with complaints and a discontented attitude. We focus on what we desire while not appreciating what we possess. As we grasp for what is beyond our reach we become internally agitated and uneasy. We become discontent with the good in life because we focus on what we do not have.

THE MORE WE HAVE, THE MORE WE WANT

Like a child who has opened a dozen gifts, we think more about what we didn’t get than about what we actually received. This reminds me of a comment made by one of my sons following a wonderful Christmas morning, “Thank you, Dad, for the great presents. For my birthday or the next time we get presents I would like a bike.” We often miss the joy of the moment because our eyes only see what we do not have.

Success and money are important to adults just as presents are important to children. But success is an empty bag. Money talks, but mostly in lies. Money deceives us into believing that good fortune will bring us satisfaction and security. But, having enough is never enough. Having more simply goads us to pursue what we do not have. It is ironic that we pity the lonely, old tycoon with his money fixation, but we do not learn the lesson. “Whoever loves money never had enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.” (Ecclesiates 5:3).

“Thank you, Dad, for the great presents. For my birthday or the next time we get presents I would like a bike.”

It is interesting to note that many pre-industrialized cultures seem happier and more peaceful than our own because their way of life limits the amount of wealth an individual can accumulate. For instance, in a simple agrarian society one’s wealth may be calculated in sweet potatoes. But, accumulation of this “asset” will be restricted—they will rot if too many are harvested, or storage space will be limited. A migratory way of life also severely constricts the accumulation of wealth. One can’t carry many possessions when moving from place to place.

Contrast this with life in America where a commonly spoken dream is to win the lottery and large sums of money—an asset that does not rot. Yet, lottery ticket winners often lose the ability to enjoy common, ordinary things. They lose the enjoyment of the precious present. Having what we want does not make us happy, but being content with what we have can. As the Talmud asks, “Who is rich? He who is contented with his lot.”

ATTENDING TO AND APPRECIATING THE SIMPLE

Contentment and gratitude are fostered by cultivating a sense of appreciation for what we have and not yearning for what is not ours. From a Christian perspective, this involves thanking God for what He has given and not complaining about what we’re missing (Psalms 92:1-4). We nurture an attitude of contentment as we thank God for His provision and remind ourselves of His great works. Gratitude leads to a quiet sense of satisfaction, peacefulness, and rest.

Contented people share an important characteristic—they focus upon the simple and common activities of life—and they bring a thankful attitude and perspective to these ordinary events. Contentment involves enjoying and appreciating the good things and remaining aware of the subtle pleasures around us. Contented people do not remind themselves of what they do not have; rather, they actively enter into the good around them. This might include the comfort of a friendly touch, the crisp taste and texture of fresh produce, the sensation of a warm shower after a day of hard physical work, or the pleasure of lying down to rest on a soft bed. Contented people practice the discipline of enjoyment and participation in the good that surrounds them.

Contented people share an important characteristic—they focus upon the simple and common activities of life—and they bring a thankful attitude and perspective to these ordinary events.

Attending to and appreciating the simple and good things is largely a matter of attitude. It pivots around the notion of training our minds to attend to and focus upon what is good, noble, honorable, and true. (Phillipians 4:8). Depending upon one’s habits and past, this focus may involve a spiritual renewal of both the mind and heart (Romans 12:1-2).

WANTING WHAT YOU HAVE

It is human nature to want just a little more. The trouble with this is, wanting just a little more is the opposite of wanting what you have. People believe the delusion (false belief) that they will be happy when they get more. But, if and when they get more, they are not any happier than they were before—and yet they will still want more.

Wanting what we have does not come naturally. We are not innately inclined toward contentment. We quietly believe that if we have more of what we want will be more contented. Although this would seem to make sense—we know by personal experience that it is not so. Commonly sought after prizes (money, status, fame, sex, entertainment, and knowledge) do not lead to contentment. Rather, in most cases, they only fan the flames of desire within us.

But, if and when they get more, they are not any happier than they were before—and yet they will still want more.

A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE ON CONTENTMENT

There seems to be an internal mechanism that propels us toward wanting more and away from an attitude of contentment. In contrast, the proven wisdom of the Bible offers counsel that is almost counterintuitive. A central message from both the Old and New Testament is that we can only find contentment and satisfaction through an intimate and right relationship with God.   A theme that comes through again and again is that when we focus on “getting ours” and meeting our own needs and wants—we find that life is unfulfilling and purposeless.

In the Gospels, Jesus often spoke about the nature of worry. Worry is driven by our fretful desire to provide for ourselves. Yet, Christ (Matt. 6) promises to provide for our needs just as He provides for the flowers of the meadow and the birds of the air. Worry is like a wet blanket that suffocates the joy of contentment. I am not suggesting that we become complacent or lazy—far from it. The Biblical injunctive is that we move away from avarice and greed and move toward a position of thankfulness and gratitude for God’s provision. We are to become energized and propelled by a sense of contentment. This attitude of contentment, based upon the conviction that God loves us and will, through his sovereign grace provide for us, releases us to fully enter the joy of the precious moment.

If we wanted to we could find something to be grateful for, right here, right now. We don’t have to but we could choose to. Life is a gift and this moment is a gift.   Our lives are “like a vapor”—short and precious. Let us not chase after possessions, status, or luxury. Rather, we should seek to become increasingly content and thankful. Remind yourself of what you know is good, right, honorable and noble. Put your mind and heart on these things.   Focus on the ordinary and simple things of life. Don’t focus on what you do not have—rather, attend to what you do have. Be grateful for all the blessings God has graciously bestowed on you. Know that joy and contentment will not be found in your circumstances—but in the person of God and in the gifts that He bestows upon us.

Thanks to God for My Redeemer

Thanks to God for my Redeemer, Thanks for all Thou dost provide,

Thanks for times now but a memory, Thanks for Jesus by my side.

Thanks for pleasant, balmy, springtime, Thanks for dark and dreary fall,

Thanks for tears by now forgotten, Thanks for peace within my soul.

Thanks for prayers that Thou has answered, Thanks for what Thou dost deny,

Thanks for storms that I have weathered, Thanks for all Thou dost supply.

Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure, Thanks for comfort in despair,

Thanks for grace that none can measure, Thanks for love beyond compare.

Thanks for roses by the wayside, Thanks for thorns their stems contain,

Thanks for home and thanks for fireside, Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain.

Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow, Thanks for heav’nly peace with Thee,

Thanks for hope in the tomorrow, Thanks through all eternity.

Written by Ludwig Storm, 1891.

RECOMMENDED READING

Miller, Tim (1995). How to Want What You Have. Avon Books (ISBN

380 72682 3)

Warren, Neil (1997). Finding Contentment: When Momentary Happiness Just

Isn’t Enough. Thomas Nelson Books (ISBN 0 7852 7057 4).